Green Day - my first real night out with Leukemia

Sept. 24 - SBC Park in San Francisco, CA

Green Day was playing their homecoming at SBC Park in San Francisco.
Physically, to look at me, you wouldn’t have suspected much. I’m still taller than most, and had maintained more than a healthy weight. I was tan and well-fed. But I was also still weakened by the chemos I was taking regularly (daily and weekly).
But I also knew that if I didn’t go out to do what I normally do, then both my physical and mental state wouldn’t be up to par.
So... it was off to see Green Day without fail.

This was a band who had become a great influence on me, and I loved their music.
The upbeat rhythms, the fast pace, and the lyrics, all said enough that I knew it would make me feel better to be outside.
It was their music that kept me inspired to keep playing guitar and writing music while in the hospital. And a lot of songs came from that.

I grabbed my side-kick Keith, and off we went up to San Francisco to see the show.

As I stood on the ground level grass, I could feel a bit of the expected wooziness. Of course. I’m only doped up to high heaven. I found I had to shift my feet back and forth a little more often than usual, to make sure to maintain balance. True, someone else might have taken that as a fair warning to find a seat to sit down. Not I. I was tempered like a seasoned professional since childhood. I had attended concerts while sporting a 102 temperature during a flu. That never fazed me. In fact, sweating out all the “bad stuff” seemed to make me feel better by the next day after those shows. But for this one, I did have to at least keep it in the back of my mind that - being something completely different and new - I had to be prepared for any type of health problem to hit.

In the end, it didn’t matter. Green Day hit the stage and all was well. Singing along to all the words, bopping the head, and essentially dancing around during the 2 1/2 hours seemed to do the trick as I had hoped. I felt great to be out. I felt great to be alive. Half of that was the band’s music, while the other half was the realization that I was in the processes of beating cancer and lucky to be alive at all. Knowing that, I was going to share it with the band - even if they weren’t aware of it.

I had always wanted to do an interview with the band, and talk about how they were an inspiration to many musically, and in life - through the struggles that they had to deal with as well, and now how they really had gotten me moving. I just felt it fair to let those who inspire know that they’ve done some good, and made a difference.

I really enjoyed Billy Joe’s heart-felt comment about “coming home” and how much the SF Bay Area meant to him for helping the band succeed to the levels which they did. And he should know that he meant as much to all those who attended.

When the show was finished, I was still ready for more. Granted, being on my feet for that long was a bit fatiguing considering my condition, but it was worth it. It’s like that drain after a long, hard workout, but you feel better afterwards, knowing that you had accomplished something. For me, my mind and heart were clear, my body solid, and I was just in the best mood possible.

Off we headed for home, wondering when they would be touring again. Before too long, we hoped.

Things are good (so far)...

Howdy kids!

Sorry for the long wait between blogs, but I have been a bit busy getting my life back in order since getting out of the hospital.

So, where am I now...
Well, I moved out of the roommate's house.

We settled our financial differences (with her coming out with the better deal, but I don't want to deal with it anymore), and I did get some of what was coming to me. So that's fine and done. I'm settled in elsewhere and all is well now.

I have basically been feeling great. But, during the recent oncologist appt., I was told to still not tell anyone that I am in remission. I have a bone marrow biopsy (again!) coming up this Weds (Sept. 21). which will tell me more for sure if the treatments all worked.

For the moment, there are no Leukemia cells at all in my body. Hopefully it will remain that way. Most of my blood cells are all back up and working order (especially the white cells), except for the reds that are still below normal, but above dangerous.

Anemia is bugging me a bit. It is a bit frustrating for someone like me who, as many of you know, is so damned gung-ho and ready to move. But I'm OK, so long as I don't hit my limits.

Other than that, I have been given the clean bill of health... am more healthy than I ever have been before, and I can go out, eat anything (and anyone... hehe), and travel (in between the next two one-day treatments in Oct. and Nov.).

Alrighty... all that being said, I recently attended the Mexican Independent Comic Book Day lecture / autograph session featuring my friend Rafael Navarro. Rafael is best known for his comic book "Sonambulo" (www.sonambulo.com), but also is infamous for his works on Nickelodeon and elsewhere.

A couple of other friends came along - my sidekick Keith, and friend Christin. So.... after the shindig, we all hung out at Pizza My Dear - the company that supplied the life-saving (and taste-bud saving) pizza while I was in the hospital. That was the Maui, by the way (you know it as a Hawaiian, for those who are interested).

Soooo.... it was about time to take photos of the New "Do" (or lack of it). So many of you had asked for photos of my new look, I finally put them online. Enjoy!

All your well-wishing's and thoughts and prayers have been working tremendously... and I appreciate them all, so keep them coming. I'm not out of the woods yet, but am getting pretty close.

My wonderful ex-roommate and her (in)"humanity" to me...

Alrighty, this'll let you know what jerk-offs are out there.

I've brought up my soon-to-be-ex-roommate Patty Ferraro before, with her wonderful attitude towards me and her hurriedness to get me out.

Well, the time had come to get down to business...
So, Patty wants to settle up and figure out what's going on, now that her daughter (in her 20s or 30s) is out of my room (that she was occupying while on vacation here for 8 days).

I go over to the house and she gets really bossy immediately. I already knew that she "had an angle" on things and was prepared for it.

We begin to chat (which doesn't last long) at which time she told me that I "may stay" until Sept. 19th, and then need to be out immediately. This of course over-rides her contract which (she signed) states that I can stay until Sept. 30th.

Patty then points out that "Aha!!! You and I agreed on contract that we gave each other a 30 day notice on August 3rd." I then remind her that at that time, I was quite dosed up with medications as the doctors were frantically trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with me and how to cure it. I was in no mental state to do anything... and, I was in the hospital and could not sign any contract. But SHE had signed it and given it to my mom (the same contract that says I am staying until Sept. 30th).

So she tries to say that if I leave on Sept. 19th, we are both in the clear. At this point I remind her that for 8 days, someone was using my room - without my permission... AND my things had been gone through.

I let her know that she will now owe me rent for those 8 days, making it a total of $224 that she owes me in addition to my rent already paid (from a deposit I had left). And that even includes the cleaning bill. Keeping in mind that I got out of the hospital with Leukemia, to which all Patty could say is, "You don't know what's going to happen. Doctors don't know anything." (Basically telling me I'm going to die.)

And, that on August 3rd, she had told me that it's a "good idea" that I move out "right now", furthering that thought with, "I don't want anyone with cancer, or a survivor, in my house. That's just how it is.".

Upon realizing that she owes me money after I leave, she started with "Fine. Take me to court." I agreed that was a good idea, should she decide to do the unethical thing.

I was then treated to a barrage of "Fuck you!!" and "You fucking asshole!!" commentaries and, the best line to say to someone who is sick, "I hope you fucking burn in hell. Get the hell out of my house. I hate you and always have, and never want to see you here again!!!"

And, we have lived together for about 3 years. Hmmm...
Ahhh... the pleasantness of some people, eh?

But you know... I have to say that I understand her position.
Here is a truly frightened woman in her late 50s, who has spent years dying of liver disease - which she gave to herself by working with acetone, which... by golly, also causes Leukemia.

The thought of me floating through life and getting through cancer in 30 days, when she has spent half her life dying and suffering... well, that's got to cause a selfish person to be bitter.

Am I mistaken here? I mean, I'd like to think that there is a reason for her bitterness, which really only started when she found out that I was not dying, but going to be cured. Interesting.

Before that, we would just have minor spats once in a while. And this person also holds Buddhist meetings and group chants, and "teaches" people how THEY should live their lives.

Oh yeah! So I had to share this story to get the gist of what's going on to truly appreciate her mouthy accord.

Sept. 9 - Out of the hospital, and no complaints

I have been paroled from the hospital. As I was Neutrapenic (meaning susceptible to any infections), I was kept in my own room and not allowed many people to visit me, for 30 days.

I just went to my first of many check-ups. As of now, it appears that the Leukemia is dead. My white blood cells had jumped up, as had some other cells but they are still in the low end. My primary doctor said that he is excited with how everything is turning out, and is "giddy with joy" that all will be well. Now of course, I cannot say that I am totally cured yet... not fully for at least 3 to 5 years. But I am going to be getting some maintenance treatments and they are going to check my bone marrow again very soon to make sure that there are no more reproductive cancer cells now. Then it will be safe to say that I am OK for at least a while. Personally... I think I am going to get through this just fine.

In expectation (and in actuality eventually) of my hair falling out (which finally started), I have shaved my head bald and grown a goatee. My friend Sue flew down from Reno to do the deed. She even bought the clippers. (Clippers? I thought she was going to shear sheep for a minute.)

Now I have some news to tell you.... I have been finding out some very interesting facts and side-effects that have been occurring to me. In the end, these are actually good things.

1) My hair apparently will be growing back thicker and fuller. Yippee!

2) The Tretinoin (Vitamin A derivative) treatment that I am taking to actually kill the cancer cells, is actually a form of Retin A. For those of you who don't know, that is used to clear up acne and scars. I had begun some strange peelings on my face, and a bit on my arms. And... I had discovered in the hospital bathroom one afternoon... other, more "private" areas of my body, began to peel and shed skin as well. This was quite unnerving at first. It became more distressing when the doctor had never heard of that happening. Well... the end result is this... as it is Retin A in my system, I have basically been having a "facial"... an exfoliating peel from the inside out. The result is this - My face is now flawless. I have no pores and no acne at all... anywhere (and including some very clean privates). This has brought me some nice comments about having a very nice face, and looking years younger. No complaints there.

3) With all the antibiotics, antivirals, having my bone marrow stripped, killed, and redone... and making new blood... I am about the healthiest person you could want to know. (Which I suppose would also make me the safest sex partner.)

4) Although it looked as though I was going to gain weight in the hospital, I have actually lost 30 lbs so far. Nice!!

All in all, how can anyone complain about the above information happening to them? Now, so long as I fully recover and get through the Leukemia, I am going to have one happy new life. Sweet!

A main thing that I want to emphasize about what I think in reflection about all that has recently happened to me...
I hate the term "cancer survivor". It sounds so "victimized." Sorry, but I am not a victim.
The fact is that I am not going to curse God, I'm not going to find someone or something to blame, and I am not going to pity myself.

Things happen to people. Thousands die from influenza (the flu) around the world.
Do the rest of us call ourselves "influenza survivors"? No! Leukemia is something that happened.

In my personal case, I was able to handle it fittingly. I made NO complaints for the literally dozens upon dozens of blood draws that I had taken. I did not complain about the IVs. I did not complain about the chemo.

Do what you must when someone is trying to help you or cure you. I may have been a bit onry once in a while, but I always kept my cool, and I always tried to be the most productive.

I went in expecting to die. I resigned myself to it, and then tried to figure out how much productive time I would have left. As it was, I got lucky.

To anyone who complains about the minor inconveniences of having to deal with things... get over it.
If it's helping you, accept it.

Anyway, I am out now and enjoying everything. I've been out since Aug. 28, and most of that time has been on my feet, running around doing errands, and making my best attempt to get back to work. I don't have time to lay around. I do rest to get myself healed up, but anyone who personally knows me knows that I am ancy and have to be on the move. So that's my story for now.

On The Street & Shopping

It’s my second day out of the hospital. Let’s keep in mind that I had been locked in a room, solitary, for 30 days, to keep me away from infections. I still have a weak - but functioning - immune system.

So what do I do after 30 days of supposed bed rest? I got shopping.
Yesterday was my first day out. My mom took me to Valley Fair Mall, and to get groceries.
Of course there was the argument of my assumably being too weak, versus my thought that I need to get back on my feet as soon as possible. I won.

First on the list was to get new glasses. Thanks to the “no infections” clause, I was not allowed to wear my contact lenses while in lock down. But I had no glasses either. This became a problem sooner than later. Basically, 30 days of blur. Only when at close enough range was I able to detect who were the hot nurses, and who were perhaps a bit less than hot (or, married, if the rings were in focus). TV was an interesting ordeal in itself.

In any case, I needed to get glasses, and Lenscrafters seemed to be the place to get them.

While in the mall, apparently I stared a bit too hard at a poster advertisement of Veronica Mars, admiring actress Kristen Bell. In fact, I was trying to get my eyes focused. This was rewarded with the onslaught of questions, “Do you like her? Is she ‘the one’? Is that it? You like her?” Geez! Get off of it. Locked in a hospital room is just the same as being in prison (I imagine). 30 days later, I’ll about like anyone who’s female and remotely attractive. Weakened state or not, the libido was working just fine.

Groceries galore were to follow, but with limited items of consumption. I apparently still had to be very careful of what went into me. Nothing that could potentially carry any germs, nothing that wasn’t within the proper boundaries of vitamin and mineral offerings, etc. I didn’t care. FOOD! Just give me something good to eat!

All in all, after a 30 day lock up, I think I spent 9 hours in total on my feet, walking the stores and all... and I loved it!
I did have to cover up in the sun, as I was susceptible to bright sunlight (skin exposure was a problem with my current chemo). That aside, it was all fine. I was a bit groggy and shaky on the feet, but you couldn’t sit me down.

Today, was Day 2 of my shopping and outside excursion extravaganza. Trader Joe's, Pizza My Heart, and more. Aahh, this was much needed.

OK, I need to go and take it all in now. Check in with you all later.

I got paroled from the hospital finally

Howdy folks!

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I was paroled from the hospital.

The docs figured that I stood a better chance of catching everyone else's diseases from within the hospital, and that I would be safer at home. So... off I was to trot home.

Keith and my mom came by to help pick up my apartment's worth of crap that I had accumulated in my room. Since I was Neutropenic (susceptible to any infections, not having an immune system), I was not allowed to leave my room for one month. So, it was a strange sensation to finally leave.

Before I left, they had to unhook me from my Pic Line I.V. That was attractive. Keith sat across the room, cringing at the thought. The doctor who was there to release me unhooked the line from the I.V. machine. He asked if I was ready to have the line taken out of my arm. The option was slowly and deliberately, but that would just prolong any odd sensations, or yanking it out quickly (but not so fast that it would damage the veins). As I thought about it for a moment, and Keith happened to look over, the doc just gave a good tug and pulled out about 3 feet or so of white line from my arm, which now had dripping bright red blood all over it. I thought, “Wow! Cool.” as something from the Alien films. Keith, on the other hand, was not so thrilled by his vision. I asked if that was it, and made sure no remnants remained inside. It was over and done, a bandage put in place over the hole, and I was ready to go.

It was under cover of the night (10 pm on Sunday, Aug. 28), so it wasn't that bad, but still... knowing that I was back in the big world was weird. It took me a bit to get accustomed to being able to walk around a bigger area, but I'm all settled in now. Looking forward to sleeping in a bed more my size. (Hospitals are not equipped to sleep someone 6’6“.)

I have to really say a HUGE Thank You to everyone who supported me emotionally (although it appears that I apparently emotionally supported many others through my own good spirits)... and wrote emails, and posted comments, and everything. And even some of the phone calls that I got were great. You are all awesome! And know that I would do the same for you. Friends (real friends... even new ones) are not something that I take lightly, and I truly appreciate everyone one individually.

So for now, I am going to be seen in outpatient clinics and still have a few treatments to go in the next couple of months or so. They will finally be satisfied by next year. All in all, it looks very good that I will be cured. I'm healing a bit slowly for my liking, but it's apparently within normal range, so I won't complain. More info on my progress as it comes.

And to those of you who have cancer, or some other disease, or know someone who is sick... I really hope that I have given you something to think about and some inspiration. Attitude is everything. My being locked in a room for one month was NOTHING (even with four chemo treatments), compared to people who spend months and years doing chemo while suffering. You've got to look upon your situations in life and think them through, then do whatever you need to, but be productive. If it's going to save your life... don't complain. Blood draws, IVs, dealing with doctors, it's all part of the game... just like what we deal with in the outside world. Make your game plan, decide what you want out of it all, and just do it.

Again, as you have been there for me, I hope that I can be there for you too.
All the best to everyone for now... :)

Having cancer sucks....

I had recently mentioned in my previous blog that I had gone to San Diego Comic Con, and gotten sick there. Well, I'm here to tell you finally what really happened...

I started with a sore throat when I got to San Diego. What I didn't know was that this was the beginning signs of something more drastic than simply strep throat or pharyngitis (which I had been diagnosed as having).

On Fri., July 29, I had gone to my doctor's for another visit, and a random blood test. I had been hoping to fly to Los Angeles the next day and then come back that night. Friday afternoon, I got a very distressed phone call from my doctor begging me to not get on the airplane in the morning or, I would "not come home, ever". How true that could have been. I was checked into the hospital immediately that Fri. evening and felt myself physically sinking lower. It turned out that I had almost NO white blood cells, NO platelets (that help your blood clot), and was getting anemic And my blood count was dropping by the hour. Literally, I was dying as I stood.

For three days, no one could figure out what was wrong with me. They kept me pumped with antibiotics and transfusions. On Saturday morning, I seriously did not think I would make it through the following Monday. They were worried about my getting a fever, infection, or starting to bleed out. Well, as it happened, I did get a slight fever, and my nose started bleeding for over two days. As I write this, it has slowed down. I was a bit scared, to put it honestly. But worse, I had a few very close friends who were even more traumatized by what they heard. No one could believe that someone like myself, Mr. Get-Up-And-Go, who lived active and overworked, could ever get so sick, and so suddenly.

They took a bone marrow biopsy (no fun stroll in the park, I tell you), and finally found out what happened to me by this Monday, Aug. 1. It turned out that I had Leukemia. But they were not sure what type yet. I was given a 75% chance of recovery - meaning that it could recur, or cause other cancers later. On Tues. Aug. 2, they had it figured out. I have a subset of AML Leukemia called Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia.

Now, here's where the clincher, and the fun part begins. Of course, I would now have a new chapter to my life's adventures. It turns out that I have a form of Leukemia that (as my doctor told me) "If you had to have any form of Leukemia, this would be the one you want to have." It is a very rare type, and happens to be the easiest to treat. AND... has a 90% cure rate (meaning, no coming back). Also, it is not inherited, so I can still have kids later with no fear of transmission... provided I make it through.

They are trying to control my bleeding currently, and I am already being treated. Another strange portion of the story... instead of bombarding me with two or more major forms of chemotherapy, it is treated with ONE chemo drug cocktail (a rather milder form) for eight days, and... a derivative of Vitamin A. Still a cocktail, but not nearly as bad. I may or may not still lose my hair, but whatever.

So here I sit in the hospital for the next four weeks hoping that it all works and my recovery is healthy. I have a pretty good mindset that it will all work out. I've got way too much to do out there to call it quits yet.

I just wanted to let everyone know what's been going on with me. And to those of you who got my rather cryptic emails about going to the hospital, I am not dead yet, but only had some scares along the way in the past few days. Now I am chipper, upbeat, and ready to have my ass kicked a bit so that I can kick ass back and get this beat, and get back out there with everyone.

Wish me luck and I appreciate all the well-wishing's, prayers, and thoughts.

See you soon!

PS... I will be checking my emails as well so that I don't just sit around bored.
(For more on what happens, check my other blog - Leuk I Am Your Cancer